Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
