I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
