She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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