we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
