Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
