My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
