Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
