Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize