On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
