Your tits are I can't wait for
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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