I need help removing her.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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