At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
