Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
