He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
