First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
