He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
