i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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