Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
