also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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