I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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