Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
