handjob tips. give me some.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
