and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
not ubering you a puppy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
