So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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