Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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