She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
