he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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