Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
