I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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