She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
