i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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