there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize