Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize