Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is my gift to your gina
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have fence marks all over my body
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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