My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize