Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize