totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
