Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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