Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
