ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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