Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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