still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
