no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
