This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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