If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
