He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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