I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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