How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
