i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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