I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
