There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
