hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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