I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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