she looked like the before picture.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im part way to drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
