I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
