i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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