Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
