a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
