i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she pinky promised me she was 18
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
