I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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