If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
