I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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