when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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