Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
