Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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