DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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