THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
